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6 January - 2:29 p.m.
This morning at 4am the phone rang. Tammy answered and said it was for me. I stumbled out of bed and answered. It was some guy saying he was Phil Miller. I told him that he wasn�t Phil, and he should just stop. After insisting he was Phil several times, he hung up.
I�m pretty sure the guy was Marcus, Lindsay�s boyfriend. I�m also pretty sure Lindsay and Maureen and Amy were behind it. As I see it, they went to the Keg, then to ESH, where they got the idea to prank me. Alison was probably off with Jay.
I don�t know whether to confront them about it or not. If I did, I�d confront Lindsay, because I was closest to her when we were friends. I�m not so sure it�s a good idea though. I should just forget about them. I seriously doubt it will happen again. If it does, I�ll do something about it.
Last night while trying to sleep I was thinking about Rich. I almost feel like he was my only chance ever at love. I had this image of me going up to talk to him and telling him how confused I was and him still feeling the same way about me and us being a couple. Is it that I really want him or just that I want him to keep liking me, so I can turn around and not like him anymore? Is it because he�s friends with the Clique and me going out with him would be a link to them? Is it because I know Amy likes him and I want to snatch him away from her? I think there would be lots of extraneous reasons why I�d go out with him and no real affection that I feel for him.
I just got back from my "History and Issues of Journalism" class, with a woman professor (my first at NU). She seems really nice, and best of all, not intimidating. She�s the first professor that I feel like I could go to in office hours and talk to. All the other ones stood at the front of the huge lecture hall and were almost like rock stars at a concert in their distance. She could be a potential mentor for me, so I think I�ll go see her soon just to chat.
In class, we were split into groups and asked to discuss a question. This was an opportunity for me to assert leadership, by organizing the group, but a girl named Robin did before I got the guts, and she was chosen to be spokesperson, etc. Oh, well, I missed that opportunity, but I spoke actively in the group and made some good contributions, I think.
An interesting thing was that the leaders of all three groups were black girls. I wonder if that�s a minority thing: all the guys were reluctant to challenge a girl�s leadership because it might be seen as chauvinistic, and all the white girls were reluctant to challenge a black�s leadership because it might be seen as racist. I don�t know, maybe I�m just being overly sensitive to a coincidence in class.
Later
I guess today�s main topic is (surprise, surprise) a guy! On my way home for Thanksgiving break, I saw this really hot guy a row behind me and thought, Oh, well, sucks we�re not sitting together. Anyway, he wrote me a note and we wrote back and forth the whole flight. He said he�d call me in CT, but he didn�t and I figured that was the end of it.
When I was really lonely before Christmas break I wrote him a postcard, and I didn�t really expect a response although I hoped. He wrote me back today and included a picture (in which he looks flaming hot!) In his letter he said he wanted to write me but he wasn�t sure if he should. I wrote him back, of course. Anyway, this couldn�t have come at a better time. I am really guy-less right now because all the guys I�d been pursuing I chased away with drunken antics, as I said yesterday. So now I have a new project relationship. I�m just really happy that he wrote and I can�t wait for his reply.
Resolution-wise it was a good day because I went to SPAC and walked a mile, ran a mile and walked a mile. I plan to do that three days this week and then build up from there. Anyway, I swore 4 times today, a setback, I know. I ate well, and tried to stand up straight, but it�s hard in the rain when you don�t want to get water in your hood.
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