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4 January - 10:57 p.m.
Happy New Year!
Anyway, I realize I haven�t written in a while. I went on the ski trip with Marisa, which wasn�t really an event in terms of writing feelings down and stuff. I thought it was going to be a major guy fest, with lots of hotties all over the slopes and lots of after-hours things to do. Well, it was a nonevent in that sense, but that was OK too, because it turned out to not be such a big deal anyway.
We had fun by ourselves and skiing was really fun until Marisa let me know that she actually didn�t like skiing all that much and that she just went because I made her go. That deflated it a lot. I didn�t have as much fun after I knew that she wasn�t having that much fun.
On one of the nights we went to the Snow Barn where we were picked up by the skeeviest guys there. Very depressing. But like I said, the guy thing turned out to not be such a big deal. Actually it�s become less of an issue in my life, which is really good. That�s what I�m aiming for: independence from my hormones.
Another event was that I bought and used a pregnancy test. First off, that was a really hard thing to buy because it was very embarrassing to pick one out and then take it to the register and pay for it. I totally expected the chick at the counter to announce to the whole store by asking for a price check or something. Anyway, it was over in a second, and I used it, but you aren�t supposed to until after you miss your period and mine is so irregular that I bet I wouldn�t even know if I missed it. So whatever. It was negative, and I�m not really as worried about it as I was right after Ellie�s.
Another event was that I went to see Titanic with Marisa (I really spent my whole break with her: more on that later). So Titanic made me cry a lot. Even when the theme song comes on the radio I start crying again. It made me sad that she found love and I�ve never found love. I know I will one day, but its weird to think that I have never loved in my life. Well, there is a first time for everything.
Later, on the plane to school.
I�m both excited and depressed about going to school. I have really made school difficult for myself. It was all that worrying about guys. They really consumed my life first quarter. I�m not saying that I�m totally over them and that I�m completely independent of thoughts of them, but I think the ski trip proved that they are less a driving force in my life. I realize now that you will never meet a guy when you go looking for one� you meet them while living you life. This quarter will prove that, I think.
I wonder how The Rump Clique will treat me when I get back. I don�t really care that much, but it should be an interesting character experiment on the four of them, anyway. I have really got to keep up with my schoolwork when I get back, simply if only because I want to go to Florida and SHOW!
Speaking of how guys don�t consume my life, when I walked on the plane today (where I am now sitting because we have a delayed takeoff) I saw Joe Collins, a football player from Darien was on my flight. I was originally sitting several rows behind him, but I got moved because of some seat confusion and now I�m sitting�
[GOT TO GO: BATTERIES ARE DEAD!]
�OK, back again. Now I�m at school. Anyway, starting from where I left off: I sat in front of him the whole plane ride, but we didn�t really talk. Walkmans made that awkward, and the sitting position was weird too. But we shared a cab back to NU, which was cool because we chatted a bit. He�s a cool guy, and I know he thinks I�m hot, or at least did when he was drunk. But anyway, I don�t think I find him attractive enough to go out with.
Like I said I�m now back at school, and when I came back Aida, Angie, Joy, Didi, and Tammy were all really friendly. The Four haven�t said word to me. Interesting. Especially interesting is how much I don�t care. I mean, they totally need to get over it. It doesn�t bother me that they don�t talk to me.
Ok, just kidding. Obviously it does bother me, since I keep writing it, trying to convince myself that I don�t care. It does hurt that they don�t talk to me, but I can�t undo what I did, and so there it stands. It�s just salt in the wound that they live across the hall from me, making it way awkward.
Also, the loss of the football team (yes, the whole team) as viable options for me on the male front isn�t so big anyway. I mean, look at all the guys on earth. My future husband is out there somewhere. I wonder what he�s doing right now: 4 January, 10:57pm CST. Oh well. No use thinking too much about guys. It just warps my mind. Goodnight. Class tomorrow at 11am.
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